Friday, August 25, 2006
{ 5:45 AM }
today was like a horrible day for me. i keep forgetting things..and lose thing. it wasnt that bad in the morning, but it became worse during np. i took xueli's blouse and put inside my bag and told her that i dont know where i put it. then when i went out to find for it, she told me she found it in my bag. then i forgot where i put my fullscape and i went around in search of it. after like five mins or so, i finally found it underneath my table. argh. it was so unlucky. then a lot of things happened and i was quite moody. not the angry one, but the sad one. it just happened that i'm sad. this is still the ok part. i pricked my finger while wearing my skirt. because my buckle dropped and it lost, and i didnt know where to get another one, or rather, i'm lazy, so i used a pin. okaye..but i'll have to admit, the pricking of fingers came first, then followed by the rest of the blur things. i almost cried when i pricked my finger. i saw the blood and i tremble. i couldnt help it..i put down my head in case i cry. i'm just scared. so..so..scared. and the wound was painful. i went to the toilet to wash it and it really hurts. does that mean i'm still alive? i'm bleeding. i'm bleeding, but i feel like i'm dead. all spirit drained out of me..i guess this made me do all those stupid things right? because i became blank. just blank all of a sudden. it's so scary. so so scary. today had physics test and it was okaye. i feel so fake today. so fake. it's like i wanted so much to shout that i'm very sad and i really feel like crying, but i smiled when they joked. arhhhh!!! what can i do? show everyone that i'm breaking down? nope. this is all an act. an act to make others feel that i'm strong. there's this wall the separates me from the outside world. the wall that will protect me from all the dangers..nope..that wall doesnt save me any pain..it doesnt. it only made that pain stronger..that pain is killing me. i'm pretending to not see what i saw, to not know what i knew..it's all mere pretendence. ALL.